This…hit me in waves. Subtle at first, pulling me into the tide with gentle ripples tugging at my feet.
And before I knew it I was hit with a wave of truth…that I didn’t know I needed, in order to help cleanse wounds.
Thank you. 🙂 So much truth, and it’s eye opening to how people who’ve broken my heart are really feeling. Misdirecting anger due to their own misunderstood pain.
It’s honestly one of my biggest flaws to overcome… getting defensive rather than just admitting my own hurt. Something I’m trying to cope with little by little. Thank you ❤ xo
It’s the hardest thing to do. One of them anyways. But to quote the late great Robin Williams, “Anything worth doing in life, is difficult.”
Allow me to open up a little more if you will…recently I had to let someone I loved deeply and truly go. It’s something I’d always wanted to do for a woman, as a man, love her for all she is and without hesitation. I was granted my life’s dream of true love when I least expected it…and as an added bonus I fell just as in love with her three year old son.
I think of them both, Every. Single. Day. But she did exactly this. She used anger as a shield, broke down all my faults and tossed them in my face to prove to me…
She’s hurting bad, and deeply. It’s been a little over three months since it happened and now all I wish is for her to come to know and accept the truth I’ve known about her from the beginning: “She’s far too beautiful to be restricted by fearful barriers of unrealistic expectations.”
That’s true of any woman, or man.
I don’t know you Heather, but, I want you to re-read that sentence. I hope it inspires you because form what I can tell, you too are far too beautiful to be chained down by unrealistic expectations.
I hope I’m not crossing a line. I apologize if I am.
But for me, with my experience in hurling my pain at others to shield myself form my own turmoil, that was the reason behind it all. Unrealistic expectations of myself and the world.
It’s true, I think it’s hard sometimes to navigate what’s a realistic expectation and what isn’t… especially when it comes to our relationships with our partners, family members and closest friends. Betrayal hits so hard because we don’t expect to be hurt by the people who are meant to love us the most… but even then it’s important not to reciprocate with an intention of hurting them, too. At that point we just have to let them go.
Maybe practicing non-attachment is helpful in dealing with such situations. I wonder if it’s healthy to have expectations so long as we maintain a healthy non-attachment to the outcome? Or at that point are we just letting go of expectations entirely? Ahh I don’t know! Morning thoughts.
Thanks for this reply and for your honesty and advice 🙂
There’s a lot to think about for sure.
Ha, morning thoughts. Residual dream notions wading in our subconscious. Coffee, always helps haha.
It’s taken much practice and experience for me to come to where I am now. I was never one to retaliate or be negative. But honesty with the self, that’s one of the most difficult things to do in any aspect in life.
So, I say practice in small moments in life. My favorite things to do is call myself out on my mistakes, “Haha, Fail.” And such, make myself laugh when I do something silly or weird. Bring things I do and feel to attention immediately, forcing myself to acknowledge myself in the present. It helps create more opportunities in the future of understanding, as well as better understand the past. It’s all about being who you’re meant to in present moments.
I think non-attachment is only a temporary idea. Human nature is to be attached to things and people; connectivity is life experiences. To try and deny attachment, even for a moment, is fighting against the tide of life. (Maybe I misunderstood).
It’s about balance. Trusting in ourselves to be the absolute best person we can for ourselves. Honestly opening up to ourselves about our pasts so we can truly learn from them; honestly accepting the uncertainty of the future in order to let ourselves gain what we need from it despite possibly not getting what we want. Living in the moments that happen as they happen so we can see happiness is not a destination but, a state of being no matter our circumstances.
Morning thoughts right back at you 🙂 Thanks for helping me wake up with some intellectual conversation.
PS: I wrote two posts, one of them inspired by you. Limit Limiting Limitations and Accept Everything, Except Blind Tolerance. (That one talking with you inspired). Check them out, they might help a bit more Miss. 🙂
I was wondering what it was to know myself. In the years since I wrote that poem I have changed and grown so much that I sometimes have a hard time recognising who I was then. Kind of like your Limit Limiting Limitations post, I was stuck on the idea that I had boundaries based on what others arbitrarily gave to me. Now, much like you, I am focused on really knowing myself. Being mindful of failures, triumphs, questions… the nitty gritty of knowing all aspects of myself without judging them too harshly. I just want to understand who I am, what I want, and how I can be better. Better to myself, better to others. I really want to offer the best that I can be in this life.
As for the non attachment thing.. I hardly understand it myself. More questions! I’ve been attending a buddhist temple lately and studying their philosophy on life. Non attachment has always been a struggle for me to understand since I tend to be VERY attached to people and ideas. I’m torn between liking that part of myself, and being curious as to what kind of peace might come from non attachment. If I ever have an epiphany on the subject I will let you know, haha.
Anyways, thanks for all the conversation. Keep being awesome my friend! 😀
Haha, sounds good. I look forward to the epiphany. But I can’t help but ask, if one strives to become more unattached doesn’t that mean that they’ll become attached to un-attachment? Just a thought. Like, the more one strives to become unattached, the more attached they end up being?
That’s so crazy you wrote a piece about asking a question. the first chapter of my book is titled, “Questions”, no lie. My question was always, “Why?” And it’s such a simple and easy question to ask but rarely are it’s answers so simple. From questions came insanity, then memories, pain, love, understanding and finally truth. (Maybe you should just get the book haha).
We cannot begin to offer the world our best until we’ve come to understand how to better better to ourselves. I’m in the same boat. I want to be the best that I can, plain and simple. I hope to leave the world in better shape then when I arrived, people and relationships for that matter too. I want…love to be my legacy. 🙂 Then again, that can’t happen with my ego stating that, “Love will be my legacy…” haha. So I strive simply, like you, to live to the best of my abilities.
I too get very attached to people and things. And it’s all about a balance. I’ve always been that way only now that I’ve come to understand my truth…my full, Gustavo-ness, I’m comfortable in my attachment. But am also aware that many fear being so attached because of unrealistic expectations they hold onto. Or something to that effect.
By the way, kind of a Dos Equis send off there at the end for you haha. “Stay thirsty my friend…” “Keep being awesome my friend.” Haha. Dig it. 🙂
It’s important too that you know how much a testament to your strength it shows that you’re able to admit to yourself it’s something you do…and on the inter webs haha, and to acknowledge you need to change it for yourself.
Again, not many people are willing to do that. So, you know, way to be 😉 🙂
I’ve experience this so much that I can relate. It hurts and its painful to realize it.
You’ve sparked truth in many directions that men and women go through.
Some call it red 
This…hit me in waves. Subtle at first, pulling me into the tide with gentle ripples tugging at my feet.
And before I knew it I was hit with a wave of truth…that I didn’t know I needed, in order to help cleanse wounds.
Thank you. 🙂 So much truth, and it’s eye opening to how people who’ve broken my heart are really feeling. Misdirecting anger due to their own misunderstood pain.
So again, thank you.
It’s honestly one of my biggest flaws to overcome… getting defensive rather than just admitting my own hurt. Something I’m trying to cope with little by little. Thank you ❤ xo
It’s the hardest thing to do. One of them anyways. But to quote the late great Robin Williams, “Anything worth doing in life, is difficult.”
Allow me to open up a little more if you will…recently I had to let someone I loved deeply and truly go. It’s something I’d always wanted to do for a woman, as a man, love her for all she is and without hesitation. I was granted my life’s dream of true love when I least expected it…and as an added bonus I fell just as in love with her three year old son.
I think of them both, Every. Single. Day. But she did exactly this. She used anger as a shield, broke down all my faults and tossed them in my face to prove to me…
She’s hurting bad, and deeply. It’s been a little over three months since it happened and now all I wish is for her to come to know and accept the truth I’ve known about her from the beginning: “She’s far too beautiful to be restricted by fearful barriers of unrealistic expectations.”
That’s true of any woman, or man.
I don’t know you Heather, but, I want you to re-read that sentence. I hope it inspires you because form what I can tell, you too are far too beautiful to be chained down by unrealistic expectations.
I hope I’m not crossing a line. I apologize if I am.
But for me, with my experience in hurling my pain at others to shield myself form my own turmoil, that was the reason behind it all. Unrealistic expectations of myself and the world.
It’s true, I think it’s hard sometimes to navigate what’s a realistic expectation and what isn’t… especially when it comes to our relationships with our partners, family members and closest friends. Betrayal hits so hard because we don’t expect to be hurt by the people who are meant to love us the most… but even then it’s important not to reciprocate with an intention of hurting them, too. At that point we just have to let them go.
Maybe practicing non-attachment is helpful in dealing with such situations. I wonder if it’s healthy to have expectations so long as we maintain a healthy non-attachment to the outcome? Or at that point are we just letting go of expectations entirely? Ahh I don’t know! Morning thoughts.
Thanks for this reply and for your honesty and advice 🙂
There’s a lot to think about for sure.
Ha, morning thoughts. Residual dream notions wading in our subconscious. Coffee, always helps haha.
It’s taken much practice and experience for me to come to where I am now. I was never one to retaliate or be negative. But honesty with the self, that’s one of the most difficult things to do in any aspect in life.
So, I say practice in small moments in life. My favorite things to do is call myself out on my mistakes, “Haha, Fail.” And such, make myself laugh when I do something silly or weird. Bring things I do and feel to attention immediately, forcing myself to acknowledge myself in the present. It helps create more opportunities in the future of understanding, as well as better understand the past. It’s all about being who you’re meant to in present moments.
I think non-attachment is only a temporary idea. Human nature is to be attached to things and people; connectivity is life experiences. To try and deny attachment, even for a moment, is fighting against the tide of life. (Maybe I misunderstood).
It’s about balance. Trusting in ourselves to be the absolute best person we can for ourselves. Honestly opening up to ourselves about our pasts so we can truly learn from them; honestly accepting the uncertainty of the future in order to let ourselves gain what we need from it despite possibly not getting what we want. Living in the moments that happen as they happen so we can see happiness is not a destination but, a state of being no matter our circumstances.
Morning thoughts right back at you 🙂 Thanks for helping me wake up with some intellectual conversation.
PS: I wrote two posts, one of them inspired by you. Limit Limiting Limitations and Accept Everything, Except Blind Tolerance. (That one talking with you inspired). Check them out, they might help a bit more Miss. 🙂
You know your words here reminded me of a little poem I wrote years ago… https://somecallitred.com/2013/08/16/the-question/
I was wondering what it was to know myself. In the years since I wrote that poem I have changed and grown so much that I sometimes have a hard time recognising who I was then. Kind of like your Limit Limiting Limitations post, I was stuck on the idea that I had boundaries based on what others arbitrarily gave to me. Now, much like you, I am focused on really knowing myself. Being mindful of failures, triumphs, questions… the nitty gritty of knowing all aspects of myself without judging them too harshly. I just want to understand who I am, what I want, and how I can be better. Better to myself, better to others. I really want to offer the best that I can be in this life.
As for the non attachment thing.. I hardly understand it myself. More questions! I’ve been attending a buddhist temple lately and studying their philosophy on life. Non attachment has always been a struggle for me to understand since I tend to be VERY attached to people and ideas. I’m torn between liking that part of myself, and being curious as to what kind of peace might come from non attachment. If I ever have an epiphany on the subject I will let you know, haha.
Anyways, thanks for all the conversation. Keep being awesome my friend! 😀
Haha, sounds good. I look forward to the epiphany. But I can’t help but ask, if one strives to become more unattached doesn’t that mean that they’ll become attached to un-attachment? Just a thought. Like, the more one strives to become unattached, the more attached they end up being?
That’s so crazy you wrote a piece about asking a question. the first chapter of my book is titled, “Questions”, no lie. My question was always, “Why?” And it’s such a simple and easy question to ask but rarely are it’s answers so simple. From questions came insanity, then memories, pain, love, understanding and finally truth. (Maybe you should just get the book haha).
We cannot begin to offer the world our best until we’ve come to understand how to better better to ourselves. I’m in the same boat. I want to be the best that I can, plain and simple. I hope to leave the world in better shape then when I arrived, people and relationships for that matter too. I want…love to be my legacy. 🙂 Then again, that can’t happen with my ego stating that, “Love will be my legacy…” haha. So I strive simply, like you, to live to the best of my abilities.
I too get very attached to people and things. And it’s all about a balance. I’ve always been that way only now that I’ve come to understand my truth…my full, Gustavo-ness, I’m comfortable in my attachment. But am also aware that many fear being so attached because of unrealistic expectations they hold onto. Or something to that effect.
By the way, kind of a Dos Equis send off there at the end for you haha. “Stay thirsty my friend…” “Keep being awesome my friend.” Haha. Dig it. 🙂
It’s important too that you know how much a testament to your strength it shows that you’re able to admit to yourself it’s something you do…and on the inter webs haha, and to acknowledge you need to change it for yourself.
Again, not many people are willing to do that. So, you know, way to be 😉 🙂
beautiful.
thank you
I’ve experience this so much that I can relate. It hurts and its painful to realize it.
You’ve sparked truth in many directions that men and women go through.