Hi! I'm Heather Anne. Some call it red is a creative diary of sorts. The space where I share my poetry, photography, travels, and thoughts about life.
I live and play in Toronto (most of the time). Feel free to follow along.
Thanks for visiting
I decided that if I’m going to spend anytime online, I may as well try to focus some attention on this blog and writing rather than watching youtube and wasting time. I haven’t touched this blog for a long while, but I don’t care. I’ve had no reason not to write. There’s no reason to write and no reason not to write. So what to do?
Today I was walking my dog and started to have a small panic attack because I could not handle the cold wind and snow blowing in my face anymore. For some reason this winter has seemed extraordinarily long and it’s really getting to me. Everything has been covered in ice for so long I actually can’t stand it. I wish I had a dog who hated the cold and who just wanted to go out, do his business, and get back in as soon as possible. But no. I have a tiny dog who loves snow and who will still demand an hour walk even when the temperature outside is mimicking that of the death zone on Mount Everest. Speaking of Mt. Everest. I recently became pretty infatuated with the idea of climbing it. (Did you know that there’s a sherpa (Kami Rita) who has summited Everest 22 times?) I was reading about what goes on up there and it all sounds really awful and yet, kind of enticing. Then I go outside for 30 minutes when it’s winter and snowing and I remember how much I hate being cold and snap myself back to reality. I’ll just say it in writing so I can get over it… I’ll never climb Mount Everest. If I tried I honestly believe I would die 100% for sure.
Here’s the view from my apartment balcony
Doesn’t it look dismal?
Anyways so that’s an update on me. It’s cold here and I haven’t climbed Mt. Everest.
So the other day I finally had my first “audition” of the year… it was a self tape. A self tape means (like it sounds, I guess) that you have to film the audition yourself, edit it all together, and send it off to casting.
Producers/directors love the self tape style of auditioning people because it means they don’t have to bother with the tedious and often gruelling process of actually meeting actors. It means they get to save precious time and money and make the whole process as distant and disconnected as possible.
I mean sure, they could meet us to get an idea as to what kind of people we are, see what we have to offer, and get a sense of whether we’d be fun to work with, but meh! Why bother? The self tape means they can say ‘absolutely not’ without having to bother with those pesky in person niceties that we all hate so much.
But hey I’m not bitter! That’s enough with the sarcasm… I’ll play the game like the rest of ’em.
This is my “My name is Heather! Please go ahead and hire me” smile. Which I include in every tape and which maybe nobody has ever bothered to actually watch… until now that is! Thanks you guys!
And this is my “I’m busy playing video games” expression. This tape was for a very odd and slightly awkward to film commercial (think old spice feels). I had to be engrossed in a video game and then become cold (??). So yeah, had fun with that. Of course every one of my friends and their dogs submitted for this audition and nobody has heard anything so far. Such is the life. Still, at least it was a relatively short and easy to do. Once I had to put together a tape for “Grease” the musical. I had to read some crazy 8 pages of sides for 4 different characters, choreograph a dance (which I ended up filming in the parking garage of my building) and sing a full recording of a 50s song… the whole tape was 10 minutes long and took me an entire day to put together and I heard NOTHING. Not even a “thanks for submitting”. But I wasn’t too bothered. I mean don’t even like Grease.
Anyways I hope you all had a magical Sunday! Feel free to let me know what you got up to.
So carrying on from the last part of my adventure, our group continued driving through the night until we ended up in the parking garage of a sports complex somewhere in the lil’ town of Flims, Switzerland. We slept that night in hammocks in the women’s locker room– not the most comfortable or warm, but pretty exotic really and it does make for a funny memory.
When morning came the next day I woke and ventured out to see my surroundings properly. We were in pine and mountain territory which suited me just fine (having grown up a hop skip and jump away from the rockies). The rigging crew was already hard at work setting lines up for us to play on for the next couple of days. Adam had still not arrived by this time, so I and a few new friends set off sauntering down the path toward Caumasee Lake which is just about as beautiful as a lake can get…
We took to the paddle boat and set off to explore. We paddled, then jumped off a diving board and swam through the water which was far more icy cold than I anticipated. This lake is tucked away by these beautiful big fur trees and the water is this blue/green hue that glistens like some fairytale scene.
This place was the last stop on the waterlining tour, which was perhaps a good thing because the weather was starting to take a turn for the worse. Whereas in Sion it was swelteringly hot, in Flims it was overcast and pouring rain. I was surprised to be pulling out my toque and warmest coat on only our first week of the trip.
And our camping situation? That was something else entirely. When Adam finally arrived we had to sort out what to do. None of us wanted to set up our tents in the soaking wet grass and under the pouring rain, so we decided instead to set up in the parking garage…
Sorry for the very poor quality video, but to be honest when I was in the moment it didn’t seem like a something to capture in HQ! I just took this one quickly as an update for my mom.
As you can see we huddled all of our tents together and sectioned ourselves off with some tape. Cars rolling in must have been very surprised to see our little makeshift garage campground. That’s where we were hanging out, preparing our food and making friends when the rain was pouring down. Every time there was a break in the sky we would race back down to the lines for more fun…
I’m pretty new to this sport, but I was completely floored by the immensity of this operation and the dedication of those doing the rigging– they worked tirelessly all day through cold, wind and rain to get these waterlines up. The passion that exists within the slackline community is so rich and lovely. Everyone is adventurous, positive, and up lifting. They take care of each other. Even when the weather absolutely sucked everyone put in their best effort to battle these lines and make the most of it.
If you want to see a few of these incredible humans in action…
Remember this water is super cold, the air is hardly any better, it’s raining like crazy most of the time, and these lines are extremely difficult and challenging to walk. Meaning that these are actually super humans you’re watching! 🙂
It is really remarkable to my eyes. While I didn’t get on any of these lines, I was certainly grateful for the company, the scenery, and the adventure.
If you’re interested in seeing a little more of what I was a part of, these awesome peoples also made this video about the event, which is below!
Please forgive the rambling nature of this post, I’m just really interested in this sort of thing these days! 🙂
Last night I found myself in an overwhelming state of hopelessness– brought on by severely trivial things. I was failing hard at guitar hero (if anyone remembers that game) and then proceeded to move on to fail even more miserably at chess. Normally I’d just laugh my failures off but for whatever reason my failures on this particular night triggered some sort of emotional shit storm and I suddenly felt volcanically useless.
Do any of you know what I mean?
Those times where you just question everything you’re doing in your life, your purpose and direction, and you wonder how you’ll ever manage to navigate your way back to competence. If you know what I’m talking about, you know how utterly hopeless it feels. At times like these, it feels like the sweeping self doubt will never pass. For whatever reason we seem to convince ourselves that sadness and misery are here to stay forever which, of course, they aren’t. A few deep breaths and a good night’s sleep can help to clarify that.
These extreme emotions on the negative end of the feelings spectrum aren’t something we seek to achieve, they just kind of happen upon us. But for whatever reason, when it comes to the opposite– happiness — we are far more likely to look at it as some kind of epitome of emotional accomplishment and seek it out as something to achieve, rather than letting it be something we simply experience. And the consequence of this is that when happiness does come upon us, we often regard it as fleeting, something that is impossible to hold onto, and that, in turn, makes us even sadder.
We need to accept that happiness, like everything else we feel, comes in waves. It comes and goes. By trying to grasp some kind of permanent feeling of happiness we are actually doing ourselves a great disservice. People will sometimes ask one another, “are you happy with your life?” Which as an absolutely absurd and loaded question. I think it’s far better to strive for contentment, don’t you? If we strive for contentment then we can better appreciate happiness when it comes. Letting go of the idea that we should be ‘obtaining happiness’ and instead just live our lives and give ourselves permission to feel accepting of whatever emotions life throws at us will probably lead us in a more peaceful direction.
The demand for permanence in every area of our existence is the cause of human misery.
That quote comes from U.G. Krishnamurti. I guess all of these thoughts are coming from a series of audio recordings of his that I’ve been listening to of late, along with a whole lot of Alan Watts.
I’ll share one recording which has left a particularly strong impression on me…
So what do you guys think? I’d love to get some discussion going and hear some of your thoughts. Please feel free to share them if you’re so inclined. If not, then I’ll just say thanks for reading and I hope you have a great night/afternoon/morning wherever you are.
You may or may not be able to tell, but the little girl in the middle of this photo is me. On one side of me there is a stranger (unidentified little girl in pants), and then there is the girl on the right. The girl who was, is, and has always been, my best friend.
Clearly we go back a long way. Further back than this photo would suggest if you can believe it. You see, our parents happened to become neighbours while our moms were pregnant with us. I was born, and then I had to wait as a lonely little baby for 6 agonizing best friendless months until Pam was ready to join me. But join me she did, and from there we shared a crib and began getting to know each other even before we had any command over the english language. It was the beginning of our lifelong friendship, and we ran with it. Our parents had no idea they were setting up the greatest set of best friends ever created in the history of this earth.
That’s not an exaggeration, either. I’m just stating the facts as I know them, okay?
When Pam shared this photo with me today I started feeling a little extra nostalgic and not just for how much better I styled my hair then than now, but because, as of this past December, my best friend is officially engaged. Getting married! Tying the knot. Sealing the deal with her soulmate. (Can’t believe she has the audacity to do it before me I mean I was born first after all isn’t there a sort of code of conduct about this sort of thing? .. rude. But whatever.)
I feel like I could write this whole snivelling post about her and everything she means to me, but maybe I’ll save that for my wedding speech and spare you all, haha.
It’s nice to know that however much time passes, however grown up we become, one thing will never change– we will always be best friends.
Okay end of sentimental blog post. It’s ova. Get outta here.