Some call it red

The other day one of the tires on my car went flat. And by that, I mean it pretty much exploded.

I’m not kidding. This was a super dramatic tire. You would think I’d been going 90 km/h and run over a kid on a bike. I’m pretty sure there were screams (just kidding.) What was I actually doing, though? Get ready for something very anti-climactic….. I was driving straight into a parkade at less than 10 km/h.

So why the explosion? I guess my car was feeling neglected or unloved, because there was no reason so far that I could tell that would justify its need to spontaneously explode a tire.  Unless it hated me.

After it happened I thought FML, because I had a very busy day ahead of me and was in urgent need of my car. So after parking I got out to assess the damage, and sure enough, it’s completely deflated and there’s a giant hole. No glass or shards or anything to suggest a reason for spontaneous explosion. Just a massive hole right by the rim.

Since I’m useless and don’t know how to change a tire by myself, I had to call AMA to do it for me. The guy was really nice and after inspecting my tire he regrettably informed me that I would have to get a new one. He was also stumped as to what caused the flat. He suggested that when I manage to get it replaced, I should try and get a deal and buy two so that I always have a proper spare. He said that since it’s getting closer to Spring winter tires (which is the set I had on the car) should be on sale, or at least have a buy-one-get-one-half-off price. I took his advice and gave a call to the dealership to inquire about such deals, and one of the guys in parts says to me over the phone “Absolutely, I’m sure we can work something out. We’ll see you when you get up here.”

So I thanked the nice man and made a hurried appointment to drive up to the dealership where shit really hit the fan. Usually I have only good experiences with my dealership, and the tires were basically new and had never been off the rims, not to mention we had the entire car INCLUDING the tires serviced about a week and a half before. So I figure, hey I’ll ask if there’s a warranty or ask why they think this happened. They’re nice people I tell myself, it’ll be okay.

Man have I been a fool. The guy I dealt with was not nice, but a complete asshole. After parking my car in their service area, the customer service rep I got (from here on referred to as douche bag) comes over to look at the tire with me.

Me: Yeah, so here’s the hole. It was so random and as you can see there’s no glass or anything to suggest it was hit. What do you think?

Douche bag: You were driving very recklessly, weren’t you?

I was pretty taken aback at that.

Me: No.. I was actually driving very slowly into a parkade.

He starts to look at the tire and points to it and says..

Douche bag: This indicates to me that (INSERT TECHNICAL CAR LANGUAGE HERE) and this indicates that (INSERT MORE STRANGE CAR LANGUAGE HERE)…. clearly you were not looking after your car.

Anger rising.

Me: If you look in my file you’ll see that I got a full service, including having feathering on the tires fixed, about a week and half ago.

Douche bag: *Awkward pause* Well, I still think you must have been driving very recklessly.

Me: Well, again, I wasn’t. Anyways it doesn’t matter since I’m not blaming you. I was just wondering if you had an idea as to what caused the tire to go flat like that. I mean there’s tons of jagged ice in my alley which I have to drive over everyday, do you think it could have been that?

Douche bag: Ice?

Me: Yeah.

He looks at me like I am the stupidest person on earth.

Douche bag: Umm, no girl. Ice could not have caused a flat tire.

He laughs arrogantly, and I start to get extremely mad.

Me: Ever heard of the Titanic? You know what caused it to sink? Ice.

He is insistent.

Douche bag: These tires could not be punctured by ice.

I look at him with intense loathing.

Me: Fine. Anyway, since the tires are pretty new is there any chance there’s a warranty on them?

We walk over to his computer.

Douche bag: How long have you had them?

Me: I think a year and a half or so?

Douche bag: Ahh, you’ve actually had them for two years.

He says it as if that’s a huge discrepancy and I’m trying to pull one over on him. I know they have all my details on file so it’s not like I could be trying to deceive them.

Me: Alright, two years then. Is there a warranty?

Douche bag: Not for this.

Me: …….

Douche bag: It’ll be two hundred for a new tire and installation.

Me: You’re kidding. Two hundred?

Douche bag: Yes.

Me: Do you have any kind of deals going on?

Douche bag: We don’t do deals on tires.

Me: Look, I talked to a really nice guy from parts earlier who said that there was a possibility I could get a deal. Can I talk to him please?

Douche bag says okay and then goes behind to get the man I talked to over the phone. I see them behind the window having a shifty conversation until they both come out and the guys says..

Guy: Can I help you?

Me: Yeah, I called earlier and we spoke over the phone. I had been asking about possible deals for tires and you said we would be able to work something out.

Guy: I don’t remember that.

They both just look at me like the assholes they are, and of course I’m so pathetic that I start to tear up.

Me: So there’s nothing to be done about this? Pay two hundred for one tire during spring and that’s it?

Douche bag: Yes.

At that point I walked away to rein in my annoyance and temper a bit before going back to be ripped off. I had no choice, I needed to get it fixed right away.

So yeah. That’s my story.

I thought maybe I’d find my way to more of a point by the end, but I guess I just needed to rant. So boo on the unhelpful, asshole people of the world.

Maybe that’s the point.

Maybe that’s good enough.